Untitled #1

Untitled #1

            I stepped outside for a second because I couldn’t breathe. My room was hot. I can’t remember if the air-conditioning was off, or if those were just memories that were suffocating me. I ran out. I couldn’t hear the neighbors anymore or the noise of the cars that were passing by. I was numb. I wasn’t myself…but it has been this way for a couple of years now. It started the day you left. Hey! Do you even remember me?
        Sometimes I feel like calling you, but I’m not sure what I’m going to say. I want to hear your voice, but I know how hard it is going to be to try to erase it from my memory once I hang up. So, I just try to go on with what I have left, and I wasn’t left with much. It was maybe enough to get through the first year of your absence, but now I’m starving. I’m hungry for love, some love, any love. I wonder if maybe I could rent it out somewhere? But I don’t feel like giving anything up, you know? I don’t feel like giving up who I am so someone else could love me.
         You cried a lot. I remember how much you cried every night when I was asleep. You thought I was sleeping, and I wish I had been too. It broke my heart, and probably not because you were hurting, but because you wouldn’t let me heal you.   
       I found you once on the floor, like David found Elisabeth. You said you could love me no more. I knew it was the beginning of the end.  I knew I couldn’t hold you back. I knew I had to open the door and push you out because you were too weak to do it yourself. I knew I had to do it for the sake of what we used to be, for the sake of the memories that I didn’t want to be turned into ashes…just yet.